Life around continues to answer the ethical questions posed by citizens. For the new issue of the column, we learned from experts whether to show feelings in public.
etiquette education consultant
A decent person does not show too violent emotions in people: neither joyful, nor sad, nor sexual. According to the rules of etiquette, kissing in public is forbidden - this is not pleasant for others. If you are doing something intimate, it is not necessary to do this with witnesses. The boundaries of decency expand when we show the joy of meeting at the station: in this case, hugs and kisses are acceptable. But if they develop into sexual emotions, they need to be left at home.
In Russia, many do not pay attention to the public display of feelings, they are already used to it. Nevertheless, this does not mean that you can publicly kiss and feel like a decent person.
To show or not to show feelings in public is a purely moral norm. And the limits of decency depend on the social norms of a country. Somewhere, for example, it is customary to kiss at a meeting, this is equivalent to a handshake.
A person’s response to a couple who publicly demonstrates their feelings depends on the success of the oedipal triangulation phase — the relationship between mom, dad and baby. At the age of four to six years, the boy begins to have tender feelings for his mother, he wants to possess her, but he sees an obstacle - his father. Then the child unconsciously arises the simplest instincts - to kill dad to take his place. This is prevented by love and affection for the father. Thus, the boy is immersed in an ambivalent state: on the one hand, he wants to eliminate his father, on the other - he loves him. In girls at this age, the opposite situation occurs.
As a child goes through this phase, so in adulthood he will respond to lovers who publicly express their feelings. If everything went well and the mother made it clear to the boy that it was impossible to beat the father, the child, having matured, was more likely to perceive the public manifestation of feelings adequately. If, during this period, the mother united with the child against the father, his reaction in the future will be the opposite.
The child must recognize the fact that the parents are a couple, then a public display of feelings will not cause anything other than tolerance. This indicates the maturity of the psyche. If a person’s psyche is immature, such situations cause childish infantile feelings - envy and jealousy. A criticism of a publicly kissing couple is a punishing superego, a condemnation of the fact that people cannot restrain their feelings.